Free bird

44 days until a month of peace. 

120 days until end of slavery.

152 days until Ultimate Freedom. 

Big events. This is what keeps me going. Makes me smile every morning when i take the bus to work. 

It might not be a long term goal. But one day i'll have one as well. Who knows. Maybe ill figure everything out after I'm free once again from this ongoing rat race. Or maybe not? Time will tell! 

On the right way

So i watched a Wes Anderson movie "Darjeeling Limited" It's about three brothers that are traveling across india by train, going on a spiritual journey and trying to bond with one another. And i have to say... this movie was just perfect. It really made my day, cause after watching this i ended up at this local bar we go to here in town. And i realized something. That I'm on the right way! I can see it so clearly now. 

Song of the day :) 

Good Night people. 

Started blogging again.

Ive decided to start blogging again, not for anyone else but for me. Cause its fun to look back years ahead and see what I've been up to. And I'm going to try to write more serious posts as well. Deep stuff hopefully ^^ 

In general i feel good. But i think the major problem here is that i don't really have a long time goal. I've got the 2 years ahead of me planned out but after that its blank! and that's what i think is bugging me atm. I need to find me a job that i really like. That i can see myself doing for the rest of my life, I don't really care about the salary, Cause as we know... money doesn't make you happier. But i have a few ideas that I'm going to look further into. And these 2 jobs can easily be found abroad as well. And that's very important for me cause i can't really see myself living in Sweden to be honest... If i would do it, i would probably move down to Malmö cause its a bit warmer there during the summers, they have shorter winters and its very close to Germany, Poland, Denmark etc. Perfect location! 

So that's it! Now I'm on my way down to my parents with Christoffer and my Grandma. My Father decided to buy a ATV last time i was there, maybe he wanted to feel young again? :P haha i have know idea, but I'm not complaining! Fun as hell. So we are going to have nice time down there. 

Have a nice day! 

Solitude

I always listen to music. Everywhere i go. Even when I'm showering i crank up the speakers so i can hear something when I'm in the bathroom. Someone told me that i might be doing this because i don't want to hear my thoughts in my head. Anyway... At one point i was without music for a longer period of time. 

And then it just came. In my own solitude. stuff i haven't really thought about. Major things are happening now in my life. Decisions to be made... Big ones, small ones. Future is very hazy atm tho. Anything can happen! Should i plan this out? Or just wing it and let the universe take care of everything

Not sure if I'm making any sense.. I m a bit tired today...

Im far away from all the solutions. But it will come one day. I can feel it. 

Sunday blues

At one point I think i have everything figured out, and then everything just flips and kicks me right in the face. I start to question everything. Im happy tho that I have such good friends that can bring me up when I'm not feeling that well.

Guess I'm having a kind of midlife crisis now after i turned 26. Now I've started thinking about education so i can get a better job, maybe take a loan and buy a apartment? etc. But to be honest it sounds scary. I think i have this problem with getting "attached" to a place. Hence i love the feeling of not having a home, bills, work etc. Just be Free.

But now in a way i want some security...

THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY.

One of those days!

Todays been one of those days where everything has been going AWESOME! The weather has been really good +15C! Work was cruisy! Im not sick anymore so I've started hitting the gym which gives me this Euphoric feeling. Today was chest and Triceps. Beat my personal record.

On top of all this, i found a nice shirt on sale! (not the one on the pic ^^) I don't think this day can get any better!! Oh wait.. It can! Im getting some of my tax money back!! Bwahahaa.

i've gone to the dark side

I managed to sell my chunky computer! And traded it in for an MacBook Air! Can't believe i just said that. Ive always been a PC person. but i've started to get annoyed with my pc more and more. I like stuff minimalistic, simple and easy. And i don't play games anymore. So the answer was simple.. Apple! Got a iPhone 4s as well (One of the big phone companies here in Sweden had an awesome deal that i couldn't say no to.. )

And so far I'm liking it :) Love it how just all apple products syncs so easily together.

All is not good however, got sick during the week so i had to stop with my training which sucks ass.. And it was going so good! Oh well.. Hopefully in a couple of days I'm back on track.

But i got some nice company (Lotten, that turned out to be sick as well lol ) Taco night, some alcohol, played Dead Space 2 (SUPER SCARY video game) and watched this very very strange tv-serie called "Doomsday preppers" A serie that explores the lives of ordinary Americans who are preparing for the end of the world... Check it out! Some of them, or to be honest all of them, are crazy lol.

Drunken Photo Booth is actually fun!

So now I'm 26...

Closer to 30 now. Shit man! Time really flies by! But it feels good. Iv'e decided that this is going to be my best summer in Sweden since.. I WAS BORN! And so far it's going good! A friend of mine hooked me up with this awesome 2 room apartment in the middle of the city that I live in.

And with this kitchen Iv'e actually started to enjoy cooking :)

This has made my life so much more fun! I have everything close to me, buss stops outside my door, kebab place across the streets! all the pubs, nightclubs a couple of minutes from me! My friends lives close by as well. I kinda felt isolated living in that 1 room apartment in Geneta. But now that feeling is gone for good!

So I threw a little poker game at my new place, It all went well until we got a bit to drunk... We didn't really finish the game I think.. Oh well. Either way we had a blast :)

More "superhappyfuntime" moments from now on :)

Visited a old friend

I visited the graveyard to pay a visit to my best m8t's dad, which kinda was like a second dad for me in a way. It was harder then I thought. It's so unfair that he left us so early. And in just the last year when he was alive, he started to feel ALIVE. He had a dream! And he was dead set on achieving it. It was all he talked about, buying that sail boat when he retires, live on it and sail around in Scandinavia, and maybe further out to Spain.

Made me think a bit there. If you have a dream, follow it. Even if its crazy or if people around you think you will never achieve it, FUCK it and continue with it. And by god don't postpone it. Maybe one day it's to late...

Feels like I am going in the right direction now, It's all coming together... Today iv'e been throwing out stuff that I am not really using..

So true...

Spontaneous Cruise

I love being spontaneous! Me and Simon was hanging out at his place on a Saturday night, the time was about 17.00pm, what to do we thought? Go out and get smashed in Stockholm? To

much money wasted then... And then I just said, "Lets go on a cruise!" not being that serious really.. But we checked the website, and we found a cheap ticket! the boat was leaving 20.00pm. GAME ON!

Hurry hurry, drive like a maniac! Make it just in time! Arrive in our "room", realised we picked the worst room in the boat.. no wc, no shower, no power outlet. Where the fuck can i plugg in my studio speakers??, Outside in the hallway!

Couple of drinks later this happens:

A night to remember indeed! I need go on more cruises like this, it's way cheaper then going out to a nightclub, and waaaay more fun... Here is some random pics during the night.

Random cruise 4tw!

New Years Eve 2012

This year I had the mentality that I'm going to party like the world is going to end the next day. And what can I say! It was a Hell of a interesting night indeed, From a nightclub with 7 dance floors

To a smaller party, where they play this minimal techno music until 9 in the morning. Have to say tho this music gets a bit boring after a couple of hours, after a while you just stand there and think "Didn't I just hear this song?"

But all in all, great success! , "Mark Farina - Dream Machine" Will be the tune that will always remind me of this New Years Eve :)

Finally my bonsai tree has a new home..

From a beer mug to a proper home! And some proper soil :) This spontaneous buy came after i watched this documentary called "HOME", which is basically about Earth, how we are killing it slowly by pollution, cutting down trees etc. And the first thing that i thought of then was my bonsai tree, she deserves something better then a beer mug ^^

Have to say that this day has been awesome so far, free from work! And then i skyped with Stefan (That lives in Australia now) got to see his kid, house etc. Missing the good times we had together :I But we will try to reunite one day!

Hopefully within a year :) AI TO PEDA!

It just hit me

Why be awesome in a video-game when you can be awesome in real life? I can see more clearly now that i didn't feel very good this year.. Why the hell did i buy computer specially for video games?! Guess i just wanted to kill time. the funny thing is that i don't even like playing video games anymore??

Well now i don't really feel like killing time anymore, It's time to "carpe diem", ain't really gonna do that while playing battlefield hehe.

It's like i've forgotten who i am. Slowly getting back there tho..

everlasting race

Work, hoard materials, buy buy buy, temporarily happiness , weekend, drink, forget, Sunday feel shit, back to Monday. Everlasting race. When does it stop?

Remember sitting on the beach in Fiji, and saw this funny looking boat, apparently two German backpackers build it themselves! And they just been cruising around these paradise islands. Talk about leaving their "comfort zone" hardcore.

Soon...

Things are looking brighter.

Not talking about the weather tho, bloody hell i feel like i'm living in a vampire country, constant darkness. But thanks to my lovely Audio Engine speakers and my new Buddha m8 i got from grandma, i actually feel okey and not like constant, "ooh i don't dont know what life is about" state which i posted in my previous post.

Blasting out kind of cheesy music which i haven't listened for a while. I mean who can be sad when you listen to Happy hardcore, or Frank Sinatra - New York?

Tho it's going to take a long while until i'm fully recovered. But ill manage. And when i'm on the top of the mountain, ill be stronger then before.

confused state of mind

Wish everything was crystal clear like before. But it's not. Im questioning everything right now. Am i afraid of love? Do i push people away? What's the meaning with life? Will i ever be truly happy?

It's all so confusing right now...

And its over

And she is back in Australia. And now im starting to ask myself, do i push away people when they come to close to me? Why did i push her away? What will happen now? Everything seems so meaningless atm. But i guess its always like that in the beginning, I'm stuck in this black hole that i put myself in to. I need to get out...

I'll always treasure the good times we had. Especially the first 6 months, it was truly magic.. And i'm deeply sorry for all the pain i caused you.

PAUSE.

It feels like everything is standing still, like someone hit the pause button. So I wont be blogging for awhile now. Who knows... someday i might find the control and press play! So i can start writing again.

Not that so many people actually read this blog, eitherway, soon i'll start bloggin again, about my life etc...

Spiralen går runt.

Aj aj kapten-ten-ten )
( Jag har fastnat i loopen, jag kommer inte ur den )

REF:
Ingenting har hänt idag
Har ingenting bestämt idag och dagens agenda är
( Spiralen den går runt )
Samma gamla center ja ja vinden måste vända snart och dagens stop våning är
( Spiralen den går runt )
En dag så kanske man har tur och tar sig ut sitt hamsterhjul med tillståndet för tillfället
( Spiralen den går runt )
Har gjort det nu i flera år och har aldrig velat leva så men
( Spiralen den går runt )

Varje vecka likadan ingenting som viker av
Kompisar försvinner vinkar av dom när dom flyr från stan
Vill inte stå här själv, Vill inte vara ensam kvar
När alla fönster släcks så är det mitt som lyser längst i stan

Och när inte ens mitt paraply kan stoppa regnet
Och när man knappt kan förlita sig på hoppet längre
Och ingen hör fast man skriker och ropar allting upprepar sig, repriser och loopar

REF:

Dagar går ihop jag måste hitta sidospår
Klockan stressar mig jag låter bara tiden gå
Ingenting bestämt idag det känns som jag faller sakta
En massa tomma sidor i min almanacka
Och inte ens när min natt blir en vilostund
Identiska dagar cirkulerar runt
Och ingen hör fast man skriker och ropar allting upprepar sig, repriser och loopar

REF:

En dag så ska jag ta mig ur bara gud vet hur men jag löser det på något sätt
Och ja med bara lite tur får jag vinden i ryggen med medvind så går det lätt
En dag så ska jag ta mig ur bara gud vet hur men jag löser det på något sätt
Och ja med bara lite tur får jag vinden i ryggen

( Aj aj kapten )
( Aj aj kapten )

A couple of weeks back home.

So now ive been a couple of weeks in Sweden. I live at the same place where i lived before, I got my old job back. It kinda feels like i never left in the first place. It's a bit scary to be honest. Going back to all my old routines. I don't feel "alive" anymore... Oh well.. Summer is coming soon.

I need to get back on track...

What do people do when its cold outside?

I'm sitting inside, freezing... And I seriously don't know what to do?! What do people do when its cold outside? tried going out to shovel some snow (the entrance is a bit blocked..) Gave up after a couple of minutes... Are you suppose to watch tv? Play videogames? Or maybe it's because Im not working. Last winter in Sweden just flew by cause I was standing like a robot in Scania, building gearboxes and engines. After work you go to the gym and after that its bedtime.

Maybe... just maybe... I'll start loosing my mind if I dont find something asap... Well from tomorrow I'll start my quest for money... Don't want to end up on the streets hehe..

495 days..

1 year, 4 months, 10 days away from Sweden!? And today we are flying back to Stockholm. First Stop China, then Amsterdam. And then we land at Arlanda Airport 11.55pm on the 9th.

wow.. it's going to feel so strange going back home... BUT.. im looking forward to meeting up with special "friend" back in my hometown in Södertälje... Im going to enjoy her alot... yeah.. im talking about....

SWEDISH KEBABRULLE @ KEBABHOUSE!!

Dalai Lama Quote

" I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness."

Sounds so easy.. Yet it is so hard at times . How many people do you know that are truly happy?

FINALLY!

My tattoo is finally finished! Of course it needs some touch ups but at least I don't have an half done tattoo on back, Which feels awesome...

The colours will look a bit different in about 2-3 weeks, but this is how it looks like now:

The only shitty thing now is that I wont be able to train for at least 2-3 weeks.. I'll go... MAD!?

What other news.. I am apparently 25 years old now (3 days ago), think im hitting a mid-life crisis. Might need to buy a old sports car... If I only had the money :(

I want my own "white room"

That's something I would kill for. Imagine having an emergency button. Press it and WHAM. You enter this white room like in the Matrix. With complete silence, and your completely alone. A place where you can just relax, lay down on the floor and do absolutely nothing.

Sometimes everything just goes to fast and at that time I need a break.

Maybe I should start learning how to meditate?

Went to see a orthopaedic doctor

Took some new x-ray pictures the other day and then went to the hospital to visit an orthopaedic doctor, I was suppose to do this check up months ago, but due to New Zealand not having a reciprocal health care agreement a couldn't really afford it. Thank god Australia has this agreement!

Anyway, the time when I saw the doc in NZ (August 2010) she said, No running! No jogging! You can't carry heavy weights, you are NOT allowed to train your legs with weights etc.

And now when the ortho doc saw my new x-rays he said that it looks very good! I can start doing all those things now! But he said I should try to avoid lifting VERY heavy objects. It's about 80% healed. 3-4 more months and it should be 100%!

So now I can finally start weight lifting with my legs! Time to rebuild some strength :)

+40C during the day, and +30C during the night. And some thoughts.

You know what means? No bloody sleep! Impossible... Yesterday Sydney was BOILING. It was impossible to sleep. So instead of laying in bed I was floating around in the swimming pool while listening to Ambient music, That was nice tho! About 6 in the morning I tried to get some sleep, think I drifted of about 8 in the morning. So I have to say... I miss Swedish winter...

Today a storm is coming tho. 18+C outside, LOVELY. And this week Sydney is getting a cold front, which is awesome! I give the weather 5 out of 5 toasters! * * * * *

While I was floating around there looking at the stars my thoughts in my head started spinning around.

We come into this world alone with nothing. We leave this world alone with nothing. So why do we consume so much? Why not put that money into something that gives you wonderful memories and experiences that you can take with you to the last second that you breath? work to LIVE, don't live to work. If you ask yourself. Why do I work? If you answer is "So I can pay my rent, buy gadgets, pay of all my bills, car loan etc" and nothing more... What's the meaning with life then?

You are basically going in a loop. Consume, work, eat, sleep, consume etc. I guess that's what the world wants us to do. BUY more! so we richer folk gets richer. But what kind of life is that?

You will probably say, "But I want to get a good job so I get a awesome pension so I live my life when I retire" Do you think you can do all the things you wanted to do when you were young, when your 60+ ? And what if you died? All that hard work for nothing..

There is no "Game over" and then "try again", but wherever I look, I feel like people think there is another life... Cause they are not doing what they truly want to do. I guess we call this the "comfort zone" That they are currently in. And it's deadly...

So if you don't have a baby on the way. Like one of my m8t's said "The world is your playground, Have fun, explore etc, and when you hit your 30+. Then you have to start thinking about kids etc."

So break loose. You can do whatever you want. And let no one JUDGE you.

I end post with a Walt Whitman poem

"Allons! the road is before us!

It is safe--I have tried it--my own feet have tried it well--be not

detain'd!

Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the

shelf unopen'd!

Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn'd!

Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!

Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the

court, and the judge expound the law. "

one year anniversary

o we decided to eat Sushi. At Sushi Train! Where it feels like your getting the same stuff as from a foodcourt, but in a fancier way :) After we stuffed us silly we headed over to Sydney central for some nightclubbing in Shark Hotel, The music? Hardstyle! Simon managed to join us, so all in all we had an amazing night! Nick Fish was playing the last set just after four! WOW last time i saw him was in Sublime a couple of years ago.

And of course i cut a small video...

So i can remember those nice lasers :)

All in all, five toasters!! * * * * *

Visited Stefan and Jacqueline in Canberra

I haven't seen Stefan for over 7 months So we all thought it was time we paid him a visit! The ride over there was a bit long, maybe 3-4 hours. So by the time we came to Canberra it was already 7-8.00pm. Met up with Stefan and Jackie and then we went bowling! Shit, the last time i did that was when i was.. 18 years old i think. Needles to say, i kinda sucked. And after a glass of wine and Smirnoff Black i sucked even more... But it was good fun! I gonna definitely bowl some more, with alcohol of course! Makes things more interesting.

Next day we visited the War Memorial, Been there once before, but the place still fascinates me!

After that, Party at Stefan's house! which involved a swimming pool, pool table, Nintendo Wii, barbecue, music, good food (especially the potato salad) vodka, and one to many redbulls and Simon throwing up in the backyard (which is quite common for him lately)

And the next day we had to head back home. No major headache thanks to Berocca! The hangover cure for Australians.. (Free advertisement)

Christmas & New Years Eve

So another Christmas and New Years eve in Sydney. I have to say that I am actually starting to miss the snow a bit. Especially during these two special days. It just feels strange lying in the pool on Christmas. Oh well, next Christmas will be in Sweden for sure!

That amount of food we accomplished to eat resulted in a Couch coma for a couple of hours!

On New Years Eve we went to the same place as last year, Not to crowded this time and we got a pretty good spot! Sean, Jessie, Sarah, Simon and Julia joined us this time. This year didn't really end up being as crazy as last year, didn't run around pretending to be Russian.. Wish i had tho..

Seriously, these fireworks are MASSIVE, never have i seen anything like this back in old country Sweden.

So thats an short update on that..

Nazdrovia!